Cafeteria Fall

I believe it is time for another update. I am grateful to Jim Schulte for taking the time to type this one up and e-mail it to me. I encourage anyone else with a Ferg Story to type it up and either e-mail it to me, or submit it in the space provided on my online survey form. Thanks again, Jim!

I have a Ferg story which has always been one of my favorites of all time. It all begins in the Towers Cafeteria. The cafeteria was home to many wonderful and exciting times. It was a place where just about anything and everything could happen and usually did. It was the home of Matt Blake's throwed rolls, conveyor belt rides, witty Allan Hallman anecdotes, Johnny-tie, whipped cream beards and noses, and an overall great place to draw attention to yourself which leads me into my story of Ferg and his infamous "Falls".

It was an ordinary day in the Cafeteria. I don't happen to remember exactly what year we all were because most of undergrad has since all run together, but it doesn't really matter because when you're around Ferg anytime is a guaranteed good time. I don't even remember exactly who was there on that particular day but even that is irrelevant to this story. We were all chatting and enjoying the fine quisine which the cafeteria consistently delivered year after year, when someone suggested that Ferg take "the Fall". Now I had known Ferg for a little and knew just how crazy he could be, but just from the sound of the suggestion I knew this was going to be good.

So, Ferg carefully transferred all of the nice ceramic plates to someone else's tray and we all proceeded to cover his tray with silverware and over twenty of the plastic, quite loud, and bouncy drinking cups which were always so much fun to annoy people with. As we sat in the back of the cafeteria anticipating the impending comedic interlude in which the entire cafeteria would soon take part, Ferg slowly rose from his chair and hastily began his journey to the conveyor belt in the middle of the cafeteria. That's right, in the middle of the cafeteria.

We watched anxiously as Ferg reached the one place in the cafeteria which would make him the center of attention carrying a tray full of silverware and very bouncy cups. In a one, graceful, elegant motion, Ferg proceeded to hook his foot on some unsuspecting girl's chair and fall completely on his face. In that same motion, he was able to throw the tray into the air sending all of the cups in every direction possible. Without wasting a single moment, Ferg quickly got up, made a hilarious but futile attempt to collect all of the cups (kicking quite a few even farther in the process) that were bouncing all around the middle of the cafeteria by now and his tray, and threw the stuff on the conveyor belt. He then proceeded to rapidly exit the cafeteria. Over the roar of the laughter from myself, our table, and the entire cafeteria, I thought to myself, "Someday that guy will get a Ph.D." Well, I didn't think that really I just thought that would be kind of silly to add in to the end. I was laughing so hard when he took "the Fall" I wasn't thinking about anything.

I hoped you enjoyed my little Ferg recollection and I want to thank Chris Kirk for starting such an entertaining genre for the delight of all and the humiliation of our good friend.

Editor's note: No problem, Jim.